The struggle...

I've known for awhile that now was the time.  In fact, I've sat down and stared at that blinking cursor on numerous occasions.  I've jotted notes into notebooks.  I've even written words in my head.  But an excuse would always find me.  Fear would hold me back.   

I want to share a story of redemption.  A story of healing and restoration.  A story with a beautiful ending. 
But healing and restoration take time.  And the journey begins in the valley, long before ever reaching the mountain top.  The climb can be uncertain and exhausting.  But also exhilarating.  Where character is developed and fear turns to hope and then confidence.  Not in ourselves, but in Who He is.

Right now I'm in the trenches.  I'm in the midst of failure and disappointment. Shame and anger.  The valley.  The ashes.  But God is faithful and I believe that this is not the end of the story.  That He has more yet to pen.

One Sunday a little over a year ago, I knelt at the altar and prayed:  "Lord, whatever story You choose to give me, I accept.  I just ask that You use it for Your glory.  And I will shout it out from the roof tops Your faithfulness."  That afternoon, my husband surprised me with a separation.

I look back to that day and the weeks and months before.  He was preparing me long in advance for what I was about to face.  I had just finished a book by Jeremy Camp entitled I STILL BELIEVE.  A memoir of Jeremy's life from growing up in Indiana, to his marriage and death of his first wife, to his music career.

And honestly, without that book... Without the raw emotion Jeremy shares, I would have thought I was completely crazy when grief smacked me in the face. Where breath is hard to find.  Where the essence of existence is an effort.  Where sleep wanes and awaking dreads.  

And in that honesty from another's journey, I found a healing salve to apply to my own wounds.  An encouragement that I wasn't alone.  A kinship with a Holy God as the commonality.

As I begin to share my journey, I vow to be real as I find my way.  I pray that He will use my wanderings to encourage you in yours.  As I have slowly started to open up to a few close friends, I've come to realize that my experiences are not unique just to me.  And if my mistakes...my sorrows...my pain... can help just one... then that is my purpose.

I pray the words I share are to the Glory of God.  I pray that anything I write that does not glorify His Kingdom, will be quickly forgotten.  And I pray my heart and desire will be seen for what it is.  May I write in a way that will offer the hard truth, but only to the glory of the One True God.


Today begins the shout from the rooftops....