Letting go

When he was placed into my arms for the first time, he wiggled right into my heart.  I looked into his sweet, newborn red face and promised.  Promised I would always love him.  Always protect him.  Always take care of him.  Always listen.  Always stand by him.  Always fight for him.  Through his early years I was there when he took his first steps.  When he said his first words.  When he experienced his first scrape.  I comforted him for his first nightmare, his first thunderstorm where he was unsure and the first time he had a spat with a friend. 

When he went off to preschool, I was as cool as a cucumber.  He was ready, I was ready and it was only 4 hours a day, 3 days a week.  But when he boarded the big yellow bus for his first day of Kindergarten, my heart fell and anxiety hit me like a truck.  Will he remember where his class room is?  Will the teacher meet him when he gets off the bus?  What if he gets off on the wrong stop?  Does he know how to button his own pants after using the restroom?  Will he remember to wash his hands?   Will he follow directions and stay in line and not talk in the hallways?  And friends.  What about friends?  At the end of that first day, I couldn't get to him fast enough.  I wanted to scoop him up and hold him in my arms and tell him he never had to go back to that place again.  But my boy was wondering why I was there so early because he wasn't ready to come home!  He chatted my ear off telling me all that had happened.  He knew he was ready and I had to learn to let go.



This year he's in 2nd grade. The anxiety I've had about school has long been gone.  But today he came home and after getting his snack, he turned in the kitchen to look at me.  His eyes said a million words before his trembling voice conveyed he'd had a rough day on the bus.  Tears welled up in his big blue eyes as he told me that two 4th grade boys had been making fun and the bus driver wouldn't let him change seats.  Those 4 steps I took across the kitchen floor might as well have been a mile.  I couldn't get to him fast enough.  I stood there and held him as he cried trying my best to whisper encouraging words of peace and love into his ear.  I wanted to scoop him up and hold him and tell him that he didn't have to go back.  

Less than a minute later, his tears dried and he was back to his snack talking about Wii and Star Wars and recess.  He decided that tomorrow he'll just take a book to read on the bus and ignore those boys.  With a hug and words whispered he was ready to face tomorrow again.

Isn't that what our Heavenly Father does?  He comforts and whispers encouragement when we so desperately need it.  He advocates on our behalf when the world is against us.  When pain or anxiety or fear creep in, He comforts and reminds that no matter what, He is in control and we can let go.  His Words can hug as the Spirit whispers and we can dry it up, ready to face tomorrow again.

This weekend I have an incredible opportunity to attend the 1st annual Influence Conference in Indianapolis.  I will be surrounded by 200 bloggers, authors, entrepreneurs, speakers and designers.  The nerves have begun as this 10 year wallflower steps out into her own.  But each step of the way, God has provided the encouragement needed and confirmed I'm on the right path.  It's time to let go of myself and let Him lead me where only He knows they way.