Day 6:: Peer pressure

I remember going through D.A.R.E. in school and learning about peer pressure for the first time.  Learning to stand up for my own beliefs and be comfortable enough in my own skin to make my own decisions based on what I believe, not based on what others think I should do.

And as a parent, I sometimes forget my D.A.R.E. training and get sucked into the peer pressure thing anyway.

My boy - Age 4

We live in a culture that stretches our children.  Challenges them.  Gives to them.  All in the name of making them well-rounded.  Preschool has become mandatory or they are behind.  Kindergarten is now all day.  As soon as our precious little's can walk, we sign them up for sports and ballet and tumbling and arts before they can even tell us what they want.  And we tend to make decisions based on comparison.

I'm 30ish.  (Probably a little closer to the other decade, than I'd like to admit, but you get the idea.)  And I don't remember growing up rushing to the next event.  If you allow it, you can be busy, heading somewhere every night of the week.  We run ourselves ragged.

We feel guilty if our children are somehow missing out.  That they're going to be behind.  That they're going to hold us personally responsible in their failure to thrive culturally. 

And we allow it to consume us.

I struggle with this as a single mother.  I want to see my kids enjoy things.  I want to see them explore and learn about themselves; what they like, what they dislike.  What they're good at.

But I can't do it all.  Time does not allow.  And neither do the funds.   

Tap Recital

Paul says in 1 Corinthians 10:23:

"I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive.

Just to clarify, Paul's warning is not about soccer.  But Paul is warning us to not allow anything to become our primary focus or goal.  Yes, we have liberty in Christ and He has given us many things to enjoy.  Our children.  Our homes.  Our work.  Relationships.  Recreation.  But these pleasures must not consume us.  Because if they do, we miss out on the true blessing.  

And what was meant to be a blessing becomes a chore.

We took about two years off in extra curricular activities after my separation.  Not only could I not afford it, but emotionally, it was too much to be running around to get to all of the events.  I had basically done most of it on my own before the separation, and it was difficult.  But even though nothing was ever said to support, I had this sense of security based on the rings we wore and the promises we made.  With that gone, it was different.

Girl Scout sleepover at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway

We are slowly beginning to add the extras back into our schedule.  But we don't always make it to a meeting or get together.  Because I'm not going to allow it consume our lives.  The rush and anxiety it sometimes creates is just not worth it. 

Now, I'm not telling you to pull your kids out of anything.

But I do encourage you to slow down and take a look.  Is it consuming you?  Do you feel guilty if you miss something?  Is it still the blessing it once was, or has it become a chore?

Stop and pray about it.  I'm praying for you as you seek His will.  I'm praying for clarity and I'm praying for peace in any decision you feel led to make.

Our generation, and the generations before were just fine and you and your children will be just fine too.

It's O.K. to not be in anything.  It's O.K. to not be in everything.

Make your decisions based on the joy and the blessing it can be.  Make them based on what is best for you and your family.  Not out of fear, not out of guilt and definitely not out of comparison.  Because your kids are beautiful and well-rounded just the way they are.