Friday, April 26, 2013

The struggle...

I've known for awhile that now was the time.  In fact, I've sat down and stared at that blinking cursor on numerous occasions.  I've jotted notes into notebooks.  I've even written words in my head.  But an excuse would always find me.  Fear would hold me back.   

I want to share a story of redemption.  A story of healing and restoration.  A story with a beautiful ending. 
But healing and restoration take time.  And the journey begins in the valley, long before ever reaching the mountain top.  The climb can be uncertain and exhausting.  But also exhilarating.  Where character is developed and fear turns to hope and then confidence.  Not in ourselves, but in Who He is.

Right now I'm in the trenches.  I'm in the midst of failure and disappointment. Shame and anger.  The valley.  The ashes.  But God is faithful and I believe that this is not the end of the story.  That He has more yet to pen.

One Sunday a little over a year ago, I knelt at the altar and prayed:  "Lord, whatever story You choose to give me, I accept.  I just ask that You use it for Your glory.  And I will shout it out from the roof tops Your faithfulness."  That afternoon, my husband surprised me with a separation.

I look back to that day and the weeks and months before.  He was preparing me long in advance for what I was about to face.  I had just finished a book by Jeremy Camp entitled I STILL BELIEVE.  A memoir of Jeremy's life from growing up in Indiana, to his marriage and death of his first wife, to his music career.

And honestly, without that book... Without the raw emotion Jeremy shares, I would have thought I was completely crazy when grief smacked me in the face. Where breath is hard to find.  Where the essence of existence is an effort.  Where sleep wanes and awaking dreads.  

And in that honesty from another's journey, I found a healing salve to apply to my own wounds.  An encouragement that I wasn't alone.  A kinship with a Holy God as the commonality.

As I begin to share my journey, I vow to be real as I find my way.  I pray that He will use my wanderings to encourage you in yours.  As I have slowly started to open up to a few close friends, I've come to realize that my experiences are not unique just to me.  And if my mistakes...my sorrows...my pain... can help just one... then that is my purpose.

I pray the words I share are to the Glory of God.  I pray that anything I write that does not glorify His Kingdom, will be quickly forgotten.  And I pray my heart and desire will be seen for what it is.  May I write in a way that will offer the hard truth, but only to the glory of the One True God.


Today begins the shout from the rooftops....



15 comments:

Kathleen Caron said...

I look forward to hearing your story as it unfolds.

christa sterken said...

Me too! Living through difficulties gives us the power to share an incredible gift with others

Dalaina said...

I applaud your courage to share during the journey and not just on the other side of it. I've come to firmly believe that only broken people can minister to broken people, and that the best thing that we have to offer is to stay by another's side as we crawl to the cross together. My prayers today for you, your family, and your marriage. May God's glory be shown through you, and His best be given and received!

Nancy@ThereIsGrace said...

I wholeheartedly believe that in sharing our stories we begin to heal. We also learn from one another, and ultimately learn more about God's story...the ultimate grace. Praying blessings for you as you unfold such a difficult story.

tparker said...

Donald Miller in A Million Miles in A Thousand years talks about living out our story with God as the Writer. God is the writer and we are the characters in the story. He says the problem is we fight against the story He wants to tell through us.

I believe this is true metaphorically but in reality as a writer, as well. Our stories are too messy or too boring or too raw and we hold back and then the world never hears what we have to say.

Tell your story, every day. We're reading.

Eileen said...

Beautiful post! I love how we can see God's fingerprints throughout lives and how He uses what we go through to help and encourage others.

Anne Peterson said...

Beautiful post. Heartfelt and transparent. And what you wrote resonates with me. I believe I too, am to write of the pain and loss in my life so I can tell about how God met me there, how he held my hand and never let go. Thanks so much for your courage. I look forward to reading about your journey.

PAMELA HODGES said...

Thank you for sharing your story. I have been in the valley too. A different one, writing about my story has helped me heal. I look forward to reading your story.

Chris Morris said...

Becky,
As I have started to write through my own pain and disappointments, I have found some sense of healing. Beyond that, I am learning how to encourage others in their trials. I pray the same is true for you

Becky said...
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Becky said...

Thank you Kathleen!

Becky said...

Thank you Dalaina! And you're right! The broken minister to the broken.

Becky said...

I agree! Sharing does bring healing.

Becky said...

Thank you for your encouragement Teresa! I'll have to check out his book.

Becky said...

Thank you for the prayers Chris!