I've always felt a sense of pride and accomplishment in taking care of my home. Mother. Grocery shopper. Gardener. Taxi driver. Maid. Homework tutor. Nurse. Diaper changer. Chef. Launderer. Wardrobe manager. Decorator. Personal assistant. These tasks, although sometimes mundane, come natural to me. I embrace them. I accept them. I enjoy them. Maybe not the task itself; I mean, who really enjoys changing a dirty diaper? But I find joy in the service it provides for the people I love.
A few weeks ago, I put on my work clothes, found a pair of tennis shoes and headed out to the garage. Opening the door, I grabbed the lawn mower and rolled it out into the driveway. Having only mowed the lawn one time in my entire life, I was hoping beyond hope, there were directions printed somewhere on this gas-powered machine. Success! Right there on the handle! Task #1 - check the oil. OK. I can do that. And what do you know, but that it was almost completely empty. Do you know what kind of oil should be put into a gas powered lawn mower? Does it take regular motor oil or should I use the outboard motor oil I found in a neighboring cabinet? Then I realized that even if I did figure out the oil part, with it being the first mow of the season, the gas can was as dry as a bone. Defeated, I returned to what I knew: the safe; the comfortable; the predictable. And the grass continued to grow along with my bitterness.
"Lord, I can't. I can't do this. Surely this is not what you want for me. Surely there has to be some other way! Why Lord, why?" I wish I could tell you that I kept all of my disapproval of my new task in my silent prayers. But my grumbling began to creep into my thoughts and even at times out of my mouth. Luckily, the only one to catch the brunt of it was the weed eater.
Finally submitting, laying down some pride and admitting my lack of knowledge, I asked for help. And believe it or not, I learned AND conquered. The first time mowing was awkward to say the least. I did a lot of back tracking trying to figure out the angles and obstacles in my yard, but in the end, the grass was mowed and I felt a sense of accomplishment. Over the last few weeks, I've learned more and more, and today as I dug out my work clothes and headed to the garage, I no longer felt intimidated.
Have you ever heard it said, "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called"? God does not always call us to the easy; the comfortable; the safe. He is by nature, unpredictable. Isaiah 55:8 says "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. When we step out in obedience and rely on faith, we are forever changed. The words that creep into our thoughts in these times of great testing are not "I can't"; period. It becomes "I can't"; comma. I can't, without You.
It takes submitting to His will. Laying down some pride. Admitting complete reliance on Him. (Jeremiah 29:11)
The first time will be awkward. Satan will be an obstacle.
You may need to back track and rethink your approach as His will becomes more and more clear with each step of obedience.
But in the end, you will learn more about His character, He will strengthen your faith and you will have grown.
Embrace the scary He has called you to. Don't grumble. Don't fight it.
The reward is being able to give all glory to Him.
Because without Him, I can't.
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