Friday, March 7, 2014

Confessions in a Millennial dating scene...

So as a recently single woman in her mid-thirties, I've gotten back into the dating scene.

And by dating I mean texting. And by scene I mean online dating.

I have yet to actually go out on a date, but my encounters so far have been enlightening to say the least. Let me break it down for you.

  • No, I'm not interested in a 'hook-up'.
Are you familiar with this term? When I was young and free back in the day the term 'hook-up' was used as follows: "Hey, we're headed out. Maybe we'll hook-up later at so-and-so's party." Meaning meet up. See each other. Reunite. Hang out.

Now a 'hook-up' is another term for a one night stand.

Uh....No! One Republic's song "Counting Stars" comes to mind with a line that says "Old, but I'm not that old. Young but I'm not that bold". Or stupid. Or desperate. Or whatever has to be in place mentally for this to be OK. I respect myself and so you should respect me too. Thanks!

  • Believe it or not, my go to celebration after an awesome day does not involve a 12-pack of beer.
I'm sorry, I'm not in college anymore. I'm a Mom. My celebrations involve balloons and ice cream. I don't sit and get wasted and drink myself into oblivion after my awesome day. That's stupid.

  • I am no one's Sugar Momma and I don't need a Sugar Daddy
Are there not young, attractive, eligible females in your age bracket? I mean, come on! If I was in high school when you were born, I don't think we have a future.

Or better yet, if you were closer to retirement age when I was born, I'm pretty sure that future's not there either. What the heck!?

  • The first chat is not an acceptable time to lay out all your baggage.
Oh. So you're a recovering alcoholic, with no vehicle, short term memory loss from your last 'yee-haw' that lost you that license and your living with your Mom. Of course I'll go on a date with you. Sounds great!

  • I've birthed babies and survived. So will you.
I am a compassionate woman. I even have empathy. But you want to babied because you 'injured' yourself putting together a toy stove for you daughter and needed a band-aid? Unless it required a trip to the hospital for a tetanus and stitches, I think you'll be OK. Man up.

And just so you don't think I'm a heartless witch, I consulted a friends husband. He agreed you need to grow a pair too.

  • Last, but certainly not least: percentages on matches for online dating mean NOTHING.
Interestingly enough, who showed up as a potential match on an online dating site? My ex-husband. 89% match. #fail

Because curiosity killed the cat (I mean, wouldn't you want to look too?) I clicked his profile. Where was that 11% non compatibility anyway?

And the next time we met to exchange children he invited me to dinner. And sat me down and proceeded to give me dating advice. To make sure I was 'safe and cautious' because there are some 'crazies' out there.
He encouraged me to date, because his experience is: 'it's fun'. And he shared he had 'some stories' too but thankfully didn't elaborate.

I thanked him for my fast food meal and the advice and left.

Did I mention our divorce was months from being final at the time? #awkward

So yeah....this has been a real blast. I'm so thankful I'm single and free again. It's awesome!

Seriously though, I am so far from being ready for any type of relationship beyond friendship. (And yes, that's the 1950's term for friendship I'm referring to, not this millennial 'friends with benefits' thing - just to clarify.) 

I've given up on the online dating thing. Because there are some crazies out there.

In the mean time, I am happy and content just being a mom. And someday, when I'm ready, love may come again.

Oh, and if you know an eligible bachelor with a job, a license, non-alcoholic, who's somewhat normal....feel free to send him my way. Thanks!   ; )

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