Sunday, July 12, 2009

And so it begins.....again.

You know, I have been reminded all too much lately of God's saving grace. I'm reminded, because I'm constantly having to ask for it. I am so glad I serve a God that is not satisfied with leaving me in this sinful state. But I so wish I didn't have to ask for redemption so often!
Not too long ago, I came across the following prayer written by St. Francis of Assisi. It has become my life's desire.

O Lord, make me an instrument of Thy Peace!
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is discord, harmony.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sorrow, joy.

Grant that I may not
so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

I can look back at my life, and the periods where I felt in true fellowship with God, 2 things were constant. #1 - His Word. I was in His Word and actively seeking to hear His voice. And #2 is service to Him. Sin is so selfish and can just be a trap! But when I take the focus off of me and serve someone else in His name, God honors that. I'm not saying I become sinless. Maybe just sin less often.
My friends, I'm in a new period of my life right now. God's voice has been very clear to me and somehow He thinks my journey through anxiety and depression is one that might help someone else. About 6 months ago, I started a new blog. I shared it with only a handful of people. Basically because I was too ashamed to be who I am. Well, God, not satisfied with leaving me in that mindset, has encouraged me to be real. Flaws and all. The following is an excerpt of my new old blog. :)

My Master's Hands are so precious to me. They knitted me in my mother's womb. They know me inside and out. They hold every tear I've ever cried. They are kind and gentle when I need direction. They are firm yet loving when I need guidance. They cradle me me when I'm scared, praise me when I've done well and hold me up when I'm weary and broken. It is these hands that have continued to carry me through the years. Times of jubilation and times of heartache. They never fail to catch me when I fall. They even hold on tight when I try desperately to wriggle from their grasp. In my Master's Hands I have faith, hope, love and peace. In these Hands I want to remain. I believe He still has a plan for my life. Romans 8:28 says "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. " (NLT)

I have found that when I keep a journal and stay in His Word I seem to do better handling the stresses in my life. Since I have 2 children and a husband, it is much harder for me to pen my feelings on paper than what it is to type them out on my laptop. I also thought that maybe my struggles can be just what someone else out there needs to hear so they don't feel alone. You my readers out there are my accountability to stay the course. Thank you for seeing me off on this journey. I'll keep you updated and hope to rejoice with you soon.

I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of being ashamed. God has given me this burden to carry for a purpose. And I am bound and determined He will get the glory for it. So here I begin again. Real. Unashamed. Loved by my Savior.

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