Sunday, January 5, 2014

My One Word

OK. So I've been procrastinating on this post. And I've also been neglecting this blog big time. But at 11:36pm on January 4th, I sit down to do dis. (And no, I did not misspell that.)

As 2013 came to a close, I ducked my head and ushered her out, quietly closing the door behind her. A year I never want to repeat. A door I never want to reopen.

My year had some highlights, don't get me wrong. I began a new job. The kids and I had some awesome adventures. I spent a relaxing week on a beach in Florida making memories with my family.

But if my life were a movie on the big screen, 2013 for me, was what they refer to in Hollywood as the 'all is lost moment'. That point where it gets worse before it gets better.  Where you're just not quite sure if the main character, the one you're rooting for, is going to make it out alive or fall by her own demise.

Is the bitterness and distrust going to eat her alive?

Is she going to harbor this feeling of betrayal forever?

Is she going to continue to rehash the past because she doesn't know how not to?

Is she going to lose her compassion because, 'what's the point?'

Yet my Redeeming Narrator speaks over my 2013:

Is she going to continue to fight and struggle against My blessings?

Is she going to allow My grace and mercy to heal and change her heart?

Her faith so strong before, dwindles. Yet I remain. I AM holds her.

How long is she going to wriggle in My grasp?

I don't know if I have shared this before in my journey here on this blog, and even if I have, it bears repeating. One frustrated moment several years ago, I prayed a prayer, completely off the cuff. I was standing in my kitchen, and it had been a very trying morning for my marriage. I don't remember the details or the reason, but I'll never forget the prayer.

"Lord, if he is going to hinder my walk and my purpose for You, take him away from me." That was a bold, somewhat self-serving prayer spoken in the heat of the moment. One I never thought about again.

Until He did.

First let me say: be careful what you pray.

I mean, seriously. Of all the self-serving prayers I've uttered out of my mouth, You choose that one to answer!? Not the one for world peace. Not the one for new carpet. Not the one for a skinnier bod... That one?

And second, let me say, don't fight the answer.

God was preparing me for this journey. He was preparing my heart. He had the road all mapped out. He knew before me what would happen and He knows now what will happen moving forward. It's all in His hands.

But the key word in the last paragraph is 'forward'. Not rehashing the past. Not longing for what was supposed to be. No looking back. Just forward.

And that right there folks, is my One Word. No resolution. No empty promise with no follow through. My theme for this blog and for this next year. Just. One. Word.


Lord, thank you for 2013. You have continued to meet me where I am. You have been waiting patiently knowing I would come to a point of complete surrender to Your will. May I never be the one in the way of my walk and my purpose for You. Together, today, I walk with You, forward.
In His Will, Amen.

1 comment:

Teresa Parker said...

Great word, Becky. "Not looking back, I press onward (you can change that to forward, I give you permission) towards the prize of the high calling Christ Jesus." Yep, Forward is definitely your word and 2014 is your year.